by Alaina Gracey

“Eh! Eh! Eh! Eh! Eh!”

The alarm blares incessantly from my bedside table like a newly hatched chick begging
its mother for food. Its face reads 8:30, am or pm redacted. I glare at it from under the thick
mound of blankets I’m trying to sleep under before reeling my long arm out to shut the device
up. Once all is quiet again, I sigh and slowly try to drift back to sleep, or pretend to anyway.

It’s not like he’s going to let me get away with that, not today. I promised him we could
go today, down the highway. I promised him that I’d be ready this time. A pit was forming in
my stomach at the thought. It would be a long drive. I’d only ever been in a car with him once
before, back when he drove me here.

I have no idea how long ago it was. I stopped trying to count the days. Time was such
a pain to keep track of here anyway. I figured, why bother? With all that gross existentialism
swirling in my head, I had no choice but to sit up. Couldn’t very well fake sleep with all that on
my mind. I stood up out of bed, letting my bare feet touch the cold, hardwood floor. I missed
my own home for a second, back when I had stained, ratty carpets instead. This place he drove
me to was certainly nicer than my real home, but I couldn’t help feeling that sweet wave of
nostalgia, remembering it.

I walked downstairs and noticed a hot cup of coffee, two eggs, and a slice of toast
waiting for me on the kitchen island. Steam is still evaporating off it.

“Aaaw! You shouldn’t have! For me?”

I said this to the open air, not really expecting a verbal response. He never spoke, or he
might not have been able to, so I always just pretended he was talking back to me.

I sat down at the island and started slowly eating my prepared treat. Normally, I was
pressured not to eat, after all, it was pretty pointless now. But like hell I was ever going to give
up bacon and eggs!

I looked outside the window. Dreary, cloudy weather as always, not a single drop of
sunlight or color. This place was all open desert, nothing but a solitary road stretching out
into… well, I’ll never know. Oblivion, I suppose. Another thing I missed was the weather. Just
once, I would’ve liked to see another blue sky. Guess it was too late now.

His car was parked out front, the only one in the driveway. It was a big, bulky jeep
painted black. Dorky, little thing!

“Guess we’re taking your company car?” I asked.

Silence in return.

“Why are you being so shy today? I said we could go today, I meant it. Come on out
here, let’s enjoy each other’s company!”

He appeared from around the hall, shrouded in his thick, black cloak that came all the
way down to the floor like two, imposing gates. It was the same color as his jeep. Describing
him fails human perception. Even looking right at him, I couldn’t tell you what his face looked
like. It always changed. Every time I blinked it’d be different. Sometimes, he looked like a
reasonably attractive man, sometimes a gaunt woman, sometimes even an unfathomable abyss.
Right now, he had a pale, human skull for a face.

A long time ago that would’ve shocked me, but, at this point, I liked to think we were
close friends.

“Really? That’s what you’re going with right now?”

“…”

“Guess it’s fitting at least.”

“…”

I finished my breakfast slowly, just trying to pad it out as long as possible. This would
really be the last time I could enjoy something like this, so I figured I’d cherish it while I could.
He watched me intently, sitting on the other end of the island. I was tempted to offer him
some, but I don’t think he could eat either. Finally, I sighed at my empty plate, feeling a sudden
sense of dread fall over me.

“Ok. We can go now.”

He then tossed a set of keys my way. They slid loudly across the island, stopping just
short of falling into my lap. I stared at them, pretty thrown for a second.

“Y-…you want me to drive?”

“…”

“Um… Are you sure about that?”

“…”

“Ok… I… I guess I could do it. It’s just down the road, right?”

He nodded slowly. That was one of only a handful of gestures I saw him make, so I
knew he at least understood me when I spoke.

I got up from the island and followed him outside. It was cold as usual. Even though
we were in a desert, it was still freezing. I got into the driver’s seat of his jeep, and he sat
comfortably in the passenger’s next to me. I reluctantly put the key in the ignition and turned
it, spurring the engine to life. For a second, I froze. My body instinctively locked up. He
peered over at me, which I presumed to mean he was worried.

“I… I’m ok. It’s just been a while, you know?”

“…”

“Yeah…”

My muscle memory came back quickly. I took the vehicle out of park and started
driving down the empty, desolate highway. The house slowly faded from the rearview mirror,
sinking under the horizon line as if it were quicksand. I drove slowly at first, maybe
about thirty, but, as we went along, I sped up. The road was completely abandoned, with not
another soul in sight. That’s how it was after he found me.

I quickly began to feel isolated, more so than usual. It was easier to pretend everything
was normal from inside the walls of that house, but here, driving through vast nothingness, it
was too eerie. There was nothing but flat, harvest-colored desert and sickly grey skies. There
was no wind or life or sound.

I fiddled with the air conditioner and the radio. All we got was static. He looked over
at me again, possibly getting annoyed with my fiddling with his car.

“I just wanted to check if you guys had any good stations here. It’s too damn quiet!”

“…”

“Right. Guess no radio. Yeesh. Can’t imaginee how you deal with anything here”

He shrugged, which got a chuckle out of me. Something about that nonchalant
reaction just hit me right in the funny bone. I needed a laugh right now, it was the only thing
that could ward off the creeping dread invading my headspace, especially since I could tell we
were getting closer. It’s hard to really explain, it’s not like I really knew where we were going. I
had never driven this road before. But I had this pit in my stomach that seemed to knot up
more and more as we continued forward.

Finally, I could see it, rising slowly up over the lip of the horizon. Where it all ended
and began, I suppose. My hands tightened over the wheel, my heart pounding faster and faster
as the smell of smoke and crude oil gradually saturated the air. I started to slow down again
and finally stopped in the middle of the road.

My eyes are locked on the mangled wreck of an old car, my old car. It was crashed off
the side of the road in a shallow ditch. The front of it was crushed in on itself, and all the
windows were either shattered or broken. Fuel had leaked from the exhaust and formed a
small, still pond around the disaster, like it deserved its own, personal mote to wall it off from
the rest of the world. I stared at it for a long moment, quivering ever so slightly. He placed a
firm hand on my shoulder. Startled by the sudden contact, I glared at him, though I more
shaken than angry with him.

“Do I have to? I… I think I’ve changed my mind. I’m not ready. Let’s go back. I’ll do
it another time.”

I grabbed the key to turn it, but he stopped my hand and looked me straight in the
eyes. He shook his head softly. I could feel my eyes growing hot.

“Why does this have to be so hard? Why can’t I just get this over with? I don’t want to
stay in this place, but I’m scared to move on.”

He tightened his grip on my hand in an assuring way. I chose to read it like a, “I’ll be
right behind you” gesture. Just something to give me confidence. Not very effective essentially
coming out of my own brain, but it was appreciated, nonetheless.

“Right… I can’t turn around now…”

I took a deep breath before opening the driver’s side door. Walking around our
vehicle, I could see the wreck in all its visceral beauty. It was perfectly suspended in time, not a
single detail out of place. It looked exactly how it did the night it initially happened. Even the
intense smell of whiskey flowing under the rank odor of petroleum was still freshly lingering.

I took a nervous step forward. Then another. I kept my eyes on the shattered front
window, where I knew I’d find it, what we had been looking for this whole time. I stepped
down into the ditch. The smell of chemicals overwhelmed my senses and made my eyes leak
even more. I thought for a second I would pass out. But then, when I peered in through the
shattered window, everything went cold.

It was slumped over the wheel, half hanging out the windshield and showered in
broken glass. The arms were mangled to such a degree that they could barely be considered
appendages anymore. And the face, a visage of vacant emptiness staring into the pit of my
soul.

It was me. Or, rather, what used to be me. What was me before I was brought here.
Before I met him. Before that night. Before I chose to drive on the highway. All at once, it all
flashed before me, more vivid than ever before.

It took me a while to realize I had been holding my breath or that my eyes were
burning. I exhaled sharply and let my tears start flowing. I couldn’t remember the last time I
cried or even felt emotions that intensely. Couldn’t really speak on what emotions exactly.
Some fear, some loneliness, but mostly relief, relief that I had finally done it. I had finally made
the drive and saw myself. Gently, I reached inside and shut its eyes, allowing it to rest after all
this time.

I felt his hand on my shoulder again, and I wiped my tears away.

“See? I did it.”

He nodded gently.

“So, now what? Do I get to leave? Where do I go? The good place, right?”

He shrugged, and I shoved him in a playfully frustrated manner.

“You jerk! You seriously don’t know? Isn’t that a part of your job?”

He shook his head slowly before opening his robe. Beyond the black cloth curtains was
a gateway to what I could only assume was the abyss. Nothing but the dark unknown lay
before me, yet it felt almost inviting to my weary soul.

“In there, huh?”

He nodded.

“Ok… got it… Um… Thank you, for everything. I know this took a lot longer than it
probably should have. I’m sure most of your clients just get this part over with as soon as
possible. Can’t blame em’. This place sucks.”

“…”

“… Alright. Got to admit, I’ll kind of miss you. I assume we don’t stay in touch after this.”

He shook his head silently, looking almost as melancholy as I was, though that could’ve been
more of my own interpolation. I took another breath, then, and gazed around at the desert. At
the grey sky. At the highway.

Then, I took one, last step forward.