By Trevor Piccone, Contributing Writer
With Valentine’s Day swiftly approaching, campus is being adorned with the classic pink and red hearts we know and love. Sweethearts are preparing for the day where they get to dole out their attention solely to their significant other and smother them in affection.
It’s truly a wonderful time of year. Unless you’re single, that is. However, there a few tricks you can try this Valentine’s day to snatch up that crush and stop crying in that corner eating raw cookie dough because, you know, salmonella.
So, first off, the scent. Whether you’re a man on the move or a lady in pursuit of that dream person in French class, you have to mark your territory. Copious amounts of AXE body spray is the number one way to attract the partner of your dreams.
Now that you’ve soaked your body in the scent of a seventh grade locker room, it’s time to work on the outfit.
Glaring colors synonymous to the highlighters you had in middle school and problem patterns are so in this year. Polka dot pants with a neon pink and yellow striped shirt? That’s a yes. Now it’s time to make a move.
Start off inconspicuously; throw a few subtle glances their way. A recommended method is hiding behind a wall or large separator and staring until you memorize the features of their face. That way you can recognize them later!
Now that you’ve got your flirt on, it’s time to talk. Grab a friend and make sure to sit in the general vicinity of your crush. Attract their attention by talking really loudly and scream laughing to show that you like to have a fun time. Then, once you have their attention, it’s time to go in for the kill.
Approach them slowly and quietly, as to not scare off the prey and start with a pickup line. One like, “If you were a chicken, you’d be impeccable,” or, “Is your name Google? Because you’re the answer to everything I’m searching for.” With that, surely your bae will fall into your arms, and you can start living happily ever after.
Now, obviously this is all a joke, so here are a few actual tips on approaching your crush this Valentine’s Day.
First off, take care of yourself. Reading about how you need to brush your teeth everyday and shower may make you think, “Well duh,” but good hygiene isn’t just a way to attract others; it can help you feel more confident when the time comes.
Speaking of confidence, that’s also an important factor in attracting your crush. Being confident and presenting yourself in a way that highlights your strengths is a sure-fire way to attract someone. Also, you’re more likely to feel free to actually approach your crush when you feel good about yourself.
Last but not least, in a similar air is to make sure you take the time to love yourself this Valentine’s Day. It can be hard to remember to take a step back and just appreciate yourself when you want to find the bae of your dreams, but as Rupaul said, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”