By Tara Adamczyk, Advertising Manager
According to domesticviolencestatistics.org, one in three woman have been beaten, coerced into sex, or emotional/verbally been abused. Every day three of those woman lose their lives to domestic violence.
“I felt like I was the crazy one. Almost everyone treated me like I did something wrong. No one defended him, but I was made to feel like it was my own fault,” said a victim of physical abuse we will call her Jane.
Domestic violence is something that you have to go through in order to know where the victim is coming from. People from the outside looking in see the abuse and do not understand why the victim wants to go back to the abuser.
In “Jane’s” story, the thing that kept her coming back was hope. She wanted her abuser to acknowledge his errors and make the relationship right. While others keep going back because the abuser put in their head that nobody is ever going to love them so they might as well stay with them.
“I think the biggest thing was for me is that I never realized how much he was hurting me just with words. Emotionally, I just felt that I was not good enough and he made me feel as though if I did not have him I would never be able to find anyone else. I still have problems three years starting relationships with guys because I feel as though they don’t actually like me and that I’m not pretty enough for them,” said verbal abuse victim we’ll call her Susan.
Whether it is verbal or physical abuse, when you love someone it is hard to see the warning signs that they might become abusive. Often the abuse does start petty and slowly evolves into everything you do or say is wrong and the person can make you feel that all the world’s problems are your fault.
“I dated this guy basically through high school and when I was dating him I never really thought about how he was emotionally draining me by telling me that I was stupid. I always just thought he was saying it jokingly,” said ‘Susan’. “When we broke up the last time, I went through something where I did not date for a year. It was when I started talking to a guy I really liked that I realized he really did mess with my head and made me feel like I’m not good enough for anyone.”
While ‘Susan’ was blinded by her abuse, ‘Jane’s’ got to the point where it was a fight for survival. While she was with her abuser she fled twice. She stayed with family twice once for three months and second time for two weeks. Other times she and her children slept in their car or different peoples couches each night. One time she camped out.
‘Jane’ was never made aware of any domestic violence shelters and had four domestic violence protection orders (DVPO). Her abuser was never given a sentence for his abuse, and was only arrested once on Christmas Eve and held in jail overnight.
“When he did show up while there was a DVPO against him and I called the police and he’d be gone before they arrived, and they’d say they couldn’t do anything because they had to catch him violating the DVPO. Going through everything with the courts was a terrible experience. I just felt alone through it all,” said “Jane”.
“Jane” never saw the abuse in her husband until one week after the wedding. Anyone who tried to tell her that he is abusive or might become abusive she did not want to believe because he never showed that side of himself and showed her the complete opposite. “It started out petty. The worst thing he did to me was throw me down on my belly, sat on top of me, held me by my hair and tried to smother me into the carpet whilst yelling ‘Die you stupid F-ing B’ I lived because I fought back,” said “Jane”.
“Jane” overcame all of this by realizing that you have to fight fire with fire and it took pointing a gun at him to get him to leave. In the aftermath, “Jane” did go to counseling and was told that she had an adjustment disorder.
With “Jane’s” particular case she was made to feel alone through all of this and had to fall apart in order bring religion back into her life and find a husband that loves her and is there for her. Her life has turned around and she went from losing everything to have two sons who are respectful, two daughters who are beautiful, and a fifth baby on the way.
If you ever experience strong verbal or physical abuse immediately call 911 or the national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233.